Portfolio life vs Inability to commit to one major focus vs Master of some vs Jack or Jill of all trades and how they relate to shame,empathy and self forgiveness

You know what I think may be even better than a good walk and talk with a dear friend! ?  A great solo walk / hike while listening to an inspiring  podcast.WHY? Because I can, without any psychological control issues choose exactly what I want to be listening to ! No need to do any  asking the right questions, choosing to shut up and only listen or  knowing  how to bare my own soul  (or not ) !

Good Life Project is a podcast that has never disappointed me .  I may have said it before but it is SO true.  ONLY problem is I am always in motion and do not write down /nor usually remember all the great references given in the podcast before I move onto doing other stuff.

 

Myth or fact : The way ti make anything look easy? By working at it, practice.
Myth or fact : The way to make anything look easy? By working at it, practice.

 

Today the  podcast  discussion  I listened to on Good Life Project with Jeff Goins ,”The Fine Art of Finding Your Calling ” is totally worth a listen to! This episode  really struck home on a subject near and dear to my heart and life. The term portfolio life has been totally in my face. Actually that is how this blog came to be! I wanted to see how I could ( pun intended ) weed out my passionate avocations/hobbies, interests/ hours of  time I spend without wanting to stop and resolve if and what would be appropriate addition to my vocations.    I also wanted  to see if this would be a great  way to reignite old passions of mine,to see if a new approach would be the spark I was looking for! SO here to to shaking up avocations/ hobbies/ and dabbling  with dreams of differnt income streams! Talk can be cheap, or expensive I guess once you get a great speaking circuit gig going 🙂

Listening to this  podcast today confirmed to me that being a  master of “some”  vs a  Jack or Jill of all trades was probably what I am  exploring… that is compared to my wearing the  “I am a photographer badge ” proudly as if I “should ” not confuse people with all the other wonderful creative outlets that were dear to me.

SO I get inside to do my notoriously long to do list ( which included make a point of doing a post on this site ) and then I go outside in the ( warm but not brutal heat) to work more on one of my other on going passions – the garden, and  got side tracked ( no surprise) while taking down the Sukkah … all while listening to the Big Magic Podcast with Elizabeth Gilbert. Yep , it was meant to be. Brene Brown and Elizabeth talking together truly reminds me of a great heart to heart with some of my dear friends. So what is the take away? MANY, lets see… I  will likely have to edit this post to really give more of the gist but a few of the loud and clears for me:

When we fail at a creative undertaking / or biz or ( fill in the blank of any major project you have invested bookoo time and bucks and emotions in)  it is not the time to negate inspiration. the antidote for that shame is empathy . And when it comes to discipline being the hallmark of getting these creative undertakings done think again how self forgiveness for what you did or did not accomplish today vs beating yourself up more that you did not show the proper amount of discipline.

Amen to that sistas.

And with that said . My big man work gloves that I wear on top of my skinny gloves to protect me from the pain of the puncture wounds from handling Argentinian Mesquite branchs with their 3 -4 inch thorns or the  Palm fronds that I just pulled off the Sukkah with their huge spikes…. seems spot on  for this particular blog post ( if I do say so myself ! )

 

 

My answer to my unrealistic to do list … do nothing, it actually helps me get things done!

I am a major to do list writer.Almost every 24 hours (with  many editing notes and check marks in between)  I like to dump  out my busy to do list banging around in my head on paper . Yep , a spiral notebook that seems to be easier to get stuff down faster than ANY digital means. That, along with my personal life hacker tracker and  I can actually have a better grip on where my  illusions of grandeur wish list of dos end, and reality of what gets done begins. But the best part of the overwhelm that really seems to get me back on track ? After the mid day review… I usually take a 30 minute to 1 hour meditation/nap  break that most Hard to do in lots of work situations. I know. I used to close the blinds and lie under my desk with the door closed in my studio years ago 🙂 I have also been know to tell clients I need to go away for 30 minutes to hide and regroup during a long day shoot.

Kind of like starting a new day, mid day ! What you read about meditation is all true. Doing  nothing really does help getting lots of stuff done, with much more clarity!

So say no to those wasted  attempts to finding  something left in that tired  brain and say yes to checking out . Hope it helps you too.

Amazing how shutting down briefly really lights up my barin
Amazing how shutting down briefly really lights up my brain. Dare I call it a reboot?  Nothing surprising here to readers who regularly meditate  … or nap  🙂

What is the old saying something about turning, a new leaf , or a page or something

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So here we are . Oct 4 , 2015 . FINALLY fall is showing its Arizona Beauty. No fall colors here. Well unless you count the sukkah decorations from Michael’s crafts that attempt to satisfy the craving. Last few nights have FINALLY been tolerable to eat outside ( if you are like us and eat dinner late). Lunch in the sukkah  today , thanks to strategic planning with tree branches overhead was actually quite pleasant.  I could actually say working outside in the garden from 7am till 1pm with rain on and off began to feel like the reason gardeners garden !!! So here is to rain, and seeds and sprouts, and fall and moving on. Let the fall/winter sunny Arizona fun  begin!

What happens when you fall in love with your summer fling?

I know what it feels like to feel like dirt. In more ways than I wish to share. But when the outside temperature is past 103 degrees (as it was today on Oct 1 ) and it has been that way for months,  I accept the fact that I have truly , passionately fallen in love with my summer fling.

Ok …. as you probably know if you read my posts and know me at all I am one of those crazy people that do not give up gardening in the brutal heat of the desert southwest summer. Honestly though by 9am I am drenched in my own salt and wiped out, but really gardening is just not the same as good old outdoor exercise and I do love the outdoors. BUT , I have NO desire to hike or walk and ride or even get in and out of cars in this heat. AND thanks to my husband I have become much more protective of my skin than I did for way too many years. Gone are the days of hiking in shorts and tank tops for me.

But I have a very true confession. This summer I fell madly and passionately in love and although I have not thrown caution to the wind completely  ( I have taken many measures to protect myself  ) I know I am still very vulnerable .

I have grown passionately in love with  doing laps at the Scottsdale City  Aquatic Center!  Not exactly an extra marital affair so what is the big deal ?  Well sadly the  lap lane hours and my schedule have left me having to choose between truly safe swimming ( aka rarely due to the sun exposure ) or throwing caution to the wind and  swimming mid day with protection . Honestly there is just not enough protection ! With a swim shirt on and lubed up with what seems to be 1/2 tube of sunscreen per session I still know I am getting way more exposure than  is wise. AH, but the temperature of my body FINALLY internally REALLY cools down while I find the motivation to truly huff and puff , and  I watch my thoughts disappear into the water. I actually am beginning to think the meditation  and  breath work that goes on in my  40-60 minute lap sessions truly surpass any yoga class , definitely working out in a gym surrounded by the add of all the tv monitors and music and people to relate to as I attempt to find a mindful moment. -swimiming_in_gratitude©_2013_Linda_Enger_Photography7091

SO for now I am totally into my summer  love, and wondering how fickle my love will be. FYI my hiking boots have been getting used in the garden so they are not extremely jealous and get their fair share of my salt.

Meditation and naps and feeling delicious

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For years upon decades I always heard about meditation. I was so aware of the cornucopia  of techniques. I just never felt I did meditate. Well I have grown to see that differently . For some odd reason  the old philosophical question comes to mind “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” . If you fall asleep for an hour when you meditate and wake up more clear headed and relaxed, was it not a great session of mediation?

In all seriousness I can think of many meditation attempts where my head hurt from “trying ” to meditate.  With that said I have grown to find for me moving meditations during walking in nature at sunrise or sunset listening to certain kinds of music and consciously being aware of my breath, or swimming laps where breath is obviously a focus, and focusing my mind while I swim on an affirmation while swimming  have been great. I have also grown to really enjoy working on my meditation techniques using varied forms of mp3 or online support through headphones. Unfortunately many of the ones I tried did not inspire me… AND  I used to think that  it was a cheat, that it was not totally self generated. NOT anymore.  But for some time now I have found  a very special love of my at home meditation breaks during the day with   yoga nidra, Silva Meditation techniques, or now also exploring Centerpointe’s Holosync. I am not going to say it has worked for me to meditate upon waking, like some folks I know.  BUT taking a break during the day …. yummy! When I “wake up”  from 60  minutes of meditation …. I am feeling mighty  delicious! I may be falling asleep during meditation  but for me…. I would say that is not such a bad thing 🙂 How about you?

When are you really most productive?

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The mind is a wonderful thing to use. SO much or so little can be happening in there!

I love love love walking/hiking/gardening/treadmilling while listening to inspiring podcasts, or downloaded awesome brain feed. One in particular podcast I love is GoodLifeProject. Today as I was once again brutally aware of how many things I truly desire doing between the hours of 5 am and 10 am, I am out at 7am  making sure I got a walk in before it got into the 90’s and  I was confronted by Jonathan Fields of GLP as he spoke directly to me ( or so it seemed) concerning the issue of not wasting our personal  precious 5 star creative hours doing the stuff that is so easy to fall into ie FB, emails, news  etc. ( and yes I know that is a run on sentence, get over it. )  AND yet for some of us ,is there not a conflict between when to get excercise and when to let our creative juices/ productivity flow? And what of getting kids to school and the parents that are filled with creative sparks at that time.  SO when I get up  tomorrow and make tea even while standing in the kitchen waiting for that wistle,  I am going  to start writing instead of just checking my you know what.

What if mother nature wore mascara in the desert ?

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Sometimes I feel that my attempt at gardening in the summer is truly some sick joke I am playing on myself. After months of pampering, and after finally getting 5 yummy pickling cucumbers … I have now successfully killed several more plants it seems. Too much/ too little water, gazillion degree heat, too much or too little fish emulsion, etc etc.  Wondering if these will be the last cucumbers I include in my art for many many many months ? AND I LOVE CUCUMBERS!!!! Ironically I have grown to  also love dripping paint, which by the way  is really not a good summer outdoor activity here either.  The paint seems to dry before it even hits the canvas. I have been thinking… ( dangerous I know ) …this paint technique with this color paint makes me think that the desert dweller mother nature’s mascara is running .

The Chakra Healing Project

Well I am starting to test the waters with proposals and researching funding and looking for space (  including checking out creating a Kickstarter and other crowd funding opportunities ) all to make this  project really  happen. If you would be interested in seeing the proposal or more details for this multi sensory healing and research project, let me know. Here is a vignette of part of one wall. Now visualize yourself in a room surrounded by work like this all in this color. Green, the Chakra color for the heart. Just one of several rooms. Much more to the project with smells and sounds and interactive questions with audience. Is Chakra system mumbo jumbo?

How do we respond emotional, physically, mentally to our environment?
How do we respond emotional, physically, mentally to our environment?

 

Personal boundaries keeping you from your dreams?

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You ever have the feeling that the boundaries you keep smacking up against are really the boundaries you have drawn up by yourself to not cross over to accomplish your own chosen goals?

45 minutes multi- tasking while doing laps.

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I have been “attempting” to have a daily gratitude, meditation  and affirmation  and visualization practice for years and years…. and can honestly not tell you how hard it has been. True ugly confession. I have fallen off those wagons many a time to be run over ( in my own mind)  by the daily meditation wheels of enlightenment.

Intellectually I feel they are all truly wonderful and helpful and blah blah blah!

Consistency . Really does make a difference. That is exactly my challenge. Dirty secret.

Well as long as it is  a desirable temperature for me for swimming  I think I have found a really cool ( pun intended ) way to keep up my practice . 45 minutes doing laps.  I breath really well when I swim, and I am in isolation and then lock my brain in on repeating, affirmations, gratitude list, mantra , rinse repeat , stroke, breath, stroke, breath…. 45minutes later….. ah…..

Please let me know if you try it what you think. Can be the difference of going from dirt to delicious !

Quail recipe revisited

While watering the veggies this morning I realized my quail recipe I considered a few weeks ago was best that it had not been executed. It appears that the fat yummy quail I had been considering for dinner… must have been pregnant because as I walked up to one of the raised beds a family of baby quail went running out of cover of the cinder blocks that were protecting them( silly kids)  , with their mom yelling at them  ( and me ) from nearby. No photos . Wondering where the nest had been .